I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
