So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
