hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
