3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
