From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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