that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
