You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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