Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
