I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
