Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
