i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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