that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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