Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
