Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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