I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
