You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Randomize
