Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
