Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
