Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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