So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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