i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
