I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
