I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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