just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
