I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
