We're facebook friends in real life
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
