if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
