I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
