Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
