You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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