I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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