Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
