just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
