she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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