Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize