Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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