U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
