last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
