If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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