Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
