my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
