mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
