watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
