bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
