Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
