help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
