Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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