dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
