At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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