i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
