Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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