whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
