my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
