I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
