He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't deserve a penis
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
