And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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