I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
