sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have feelings that need drinking.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
