last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
