found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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