I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
