I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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