No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
