So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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