Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You made out with two different species that night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize