my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
