Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
