1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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