there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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