On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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