So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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