quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
