I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
