I wanna passion pit in your ass
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
